Meeting your surrogacy partner? You have butterflies in your stomach as you carefully pick out what shoes to wear. You check to make sure you don’t have anything in your teeth. You’ve been practicing how you’ll introduce yourself. These activities are the hallmarks of first dates… with your potential surrogate!
Meeting your potential surrogate (or Intended Parents) is nerve-wracking. It’s such an important moment and it’s understandable to worry – after all, you may be embarking on a lifelong relationship with this person. To calm your nerves, the following steps may help.
Do your homework
While the first meeting is meant to introduce you to your potential surrogate, it’s good to know a bit about them beforehand. Read their profile. Discuss it with your partner or support person. But don’t focus solely on them in your preparations – think about yourself! From your journey to start a family to your hobbies, what would you like them to know about you?
When it comes to talking about surrogacy, share the floor
When nerves get going, you may find yourself talking a mile a minute. Take a deep breath. This meeting is about just that: meeting. Meeting and connecting. If you have a partner, let them share.
A good way to share the floor is to prepare questions to ask. Research shows that asking others questions – and follow-up questions – increases people’s positive impressions. Keep in mind, though, that there is no need to prepare a full cross-examination of your surrogate. Why is that, though?
A lot has already gone on behind the scenes
If you’re using an agency, you and your potential surrogate weren’t matched randomly. Your agency screened and selected them for a good reason, whether it be similar backgrounds, compatible expectations, or matching legal and geographical needs (i.e., surrogacy laws vary from state to state, which means that where parties live is always considered). Beyond that, you can trust that everyone involved in your meeting has a very important shared goal: helping you grow your family.
Discuss expectations for the surrogacy process
Both surrogates and Intended Parent(s) come to these meetings with their own thoughts and feelings about how they’d like to see things proceed. This is totally fair for each side! But don’t expect to read one another’s minds about the number of embryos to be transferred, doctor’s appointments, or even whether they prefer phone calls to text messages. Set expectations for communication, involvement, and decision-making.
The need to feel liked is strong even in even in everyday circumstances… and these aren’t everyday circumstances. It’s tempting to put the best possible spin on everything, but no one expects you to be perfect. Be open and share your experiences honestly. That way, you’ll find a much more genuine connection with your potential surrogate or Intended Parent(s).
Now that you’ve prepared, take a deep breath. This is a big moment. Enjoy!
If you want to grow your family and you’re ready to take the first step in arranging a match, contact us today. Love & Kindness Surrogacy aims to hold your hand through the entire surrogacy journey, ensuring transparency and peace of mind.