There were months of preparation, you did everything you were asked — including tips and suggestions from other surrogates and friends — and suddenly your excitement and hopes vanished after receiving the results from your pregnancy test. This can be a common occurrence in surrogacy.
Because of the heartbroken experience, now you may be torturing yourself with doubts. How could this be? Are the parents as heartbroken as I am? Am I or my body to be blamed?
It is normal to find yourself overwhelmed with emotions after a failed transfer. However, you must neither blame yourself or get discouraged. This is not your fault. There is always a way for you to succeed in your surrogacy journey.
Why do transfers fail?
There are many factors — out of the surrogate’s control — that can affect the success of achieving a surrogate pregnancy, including:
- Egg quality
- Sperm quality
- Embryo quality and quantity
- Ovarian response (the egg production depends on how well do ovaries respond to fertility medications)
- Type of medications used for building up the uterus lining
What Happens Next?
The next step is for intended parents to discuss with their fertility doctor what may have caused the failed transfer.
After the consultation, if possible, they will likely want to try the transfer again.
Usually, matches try at least 3 transfers. If there is no success after that, intended parents will be suggested by their doctor to try another option. However, a study suggests that it can take up to 6 transfers to achieve pregnancy. It is up to you and the intended parents to decide if you want to continue with surrogacy.
Changes For Future Transfers
For future transfers, intended parents will likely try to pursue a donor — if they haven’t before — to increase their chances. Types of donors to consider are:
- Egg donor
- Sperm donor
- Embryo donor
Finding Emotional Support
This is a difficult time for you. You must be gentle with yourself and avoid taking any blame. Consider pursuing emotional support from sources like:
Talking to a therapist can be a great way to ease that emotional burden.
We want to make sure you are well during your whole surrogacy journey. Therefore, Love & Kindness Surrogacy offers free therapy sessions for all of our surrogate mothers.
You are not alone. Many surrogates have gone through failed transfers too. We recommend the “Surrogates and Intended Parents” support group on Facebook.
Intended parents will probably reach out to you to see how you are doing. Furthermore, intended mothers with infertility issues will probably be a great comfort since they understand what you are experiencing.
Either you or the intended parents can back out at any time (as long as you are not in the middle of a transfer cycle).
Consider taking a small break if you need time to feel better. Intended parents will understand your decision.
If you don’t want to back out, you will have to wait 2 months before trying the embryo transfer again. We recommend using this time to take care of yourself physically and emotionally.
In some cases, even if they don’t want to, Intended Parents need to take a break from surrogacy to either:
- Redefine goals
- Solve budget issues
- Take time to grieve the failed transfer
At Love & Kindness Surrogacy, we deeply care about the wellbeing of each one of our surrogates. Please know you can count on our support and guidance during any difficult time of your surrogacy journey. Our agents have firsthand experience in surrogacy. Let us help you!