5 Important Questions to Ask Your Intended Parents

After matching with the intended parents, you will meet them through a video call. This is a critical step in surrogacy where both of you must evaluate each other’s compatibility, concerns, and expectations before making a commitment.

Please notice there is no such thing as uncomfortable or unnecessary questions. In fact, you will be grateful if you have all your doubts sorted before moving forward with the surrogacy process. Don’t be afraid to ask!

Here are five essential questions to ask intended parents:

How many embryos would you like to transfer at a time? And what are your thoughts on selective reduction? 

The more embryos transferred, the higher the chances of pregnancy. The downside with transferring too many embryos is the increased risk of having a multiple pregnancy. A multiple pregnancy comes with elevated risks to the carrier as well as the babies. 

Usually, surrogate mothers could have anywhere from 2 to 4 embryos transferred — depending on your fertility. If the transfer results in a multiple pregnancy, you and the intended parents will have to decide if you want to continue with the multiple pregnancy (as long as it is safe) or opt for selective reduction.

Discussing and being in agreement on these issues prior to a match commitment is a critical step in the process.

How many IVF cycles are you willing to try?

The main reason why parents are inclined to transfer as many embryos as possible is because IVF treatments are quite expensive and only have a success rate of about 20–35% per cycle. 

Every failed embryo transfer takes an emotional toll on IPs, which could prevent them from wanting to try an IVF cycle again.

What restrictions would your intended parents have for you as a gestational carrier?

You need to know if the Intended Parents would like to set any restrictions other than the ones recommended by your OB. For example, will they set social restrictions, travel restrictions, sexual intercourse restrictions, etc? 

This information should be discussed and agreed upon upfront. It is important that all parties are in agreement on any restrictions or expectations outside of the ones set by your medical team. 

What kind of relationship would you like to have with me during and after surrogacy?

This includes their involvement in the medical aspects of pregnancy and if they would prefer or not to have a close long-term relationship with you. This is a great opportunity to clarify the following:

  • If the IPs would like to join your prenatal appointments.
  • Who is going to be with you in the delivery room? Clarify if they are comfortable with your partner being there.
  • The amount and frequency of contact/communication expected from you.
  • If the intended parents want to involve you in the baby’s life after birth.
  • If they would like to know your kids and partner during surrogacy.
  • The type of updates they would like. Some intended mothers prefer to not get baby bump pictures because they see it as a reminder that they are not carrying the baby. Meanwhile, others prefer as many details as possible.

Why did your intended parents choose surrogacy?

The intended parents’ motives for choosing surrogacy could tell you a lot about their background story and why they want to become parents. 

Most importantly, their answer should provide insight into how much they desire this journey and the outcome. You may use this as an indicator of their commitment level towards you and the surrogacy process. 

At Love and Kindness Surrogacy, intended parents are screened to ensure they are reliable and responsible individuals willing to make a commitment to you and the surrogacy journey.

If you have any more questions, contact one of our surrogate coordinators today. They can provide insightful advice from their first-hand experiences as surrogates. We are here to help!

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